Finding your Passion. Or Not.
Passion is often times the preferred buzzword of the independent artist. Why do we do what do? Why do we suffer long hours for little pay and frequent rejection? Passion. Why do we wake up at odd hours of the morning and night to get to film shoots or to spend the entire night writing? Passion. It’s a satisfying answer. It connotes an air of superiority to the work that we do. It allows the asker to bask in our artistic glory. “I’m not like other ladder-climbing career jockeys. I’m following my passion!” Alright. Good for you. Good for all of us. It is a beautiful thing to do what you love and find fulfillment in your career, especially in a career in the arts, or in any kind of independent work. You really have to love what you do to push yourself so hard and so far every day. It is a driving force. Passion is the fire in your belly that demands you take it somewhere lest it burn you from the inside out. It is a constant feeling of affirmation letting you know that you’re doing exactly what you’re meant to be doing. But it’s a very abstract concept. Much like love, we are told, you’ll know it when you find it. What happens though when we do find it? Or we find it but we are unable to pursue it as a career? What happens if we never find it?
My Experience
My experience finding my “passion” was not super enjoyable. It was not a straightforward route and it had many emotionally exhausting roadblocks and hurdles to get there. I was in my junior year of high school and the all dreaded question began to come at me from all angles. “So what do you want to do when you graduate?” I would rather walk over hot coals than be forced to answer that question ever again. I had no idea! I was seventeen and was being asked to choose what I wanted to do with my life. I had barely figured out my fashion style at this point, much less my life’s goals. I grappled with idea after idea. Teacher? I don’t really like kids. Counseling? I guess I like talking to people about their problems. Somewhere in this haze of confusion, I landed on a solid rock that I’m going to call, becoming a filmmaker. Once I reached this rock, I realized how much sense it actually made. I’d loved movies and moviemaking since Elementary school, so it was a natural progression. Once I landed there the only thing that could stop me was myself. And crippling college debt but that’s for another post. My passion has driven every decision I’ve made since graduating. But it doesn’t always happen that way. Not everyone is lucky enough to discover their passion before they leave high school or to follow it all the way to a career.
Passion?
A friend of mine didn’t discover what she really wanted to do for a career until her junior year of college. That didn’t stop her once she found it. She invested countless hours in perfecting her craft in every way she could even while being in another major. Another friend found her passion very early on but confided in me that she never wanted to have a career in it. She didn’t want her income to depend on her doing what she loved and she didn’t was to sacrifice the artistry of her craft to make a client happy. Another friend told me that, he actually didn’t have one specific passion. He’d never found that one thing that really drove him but he was talented in multiple hobbies and outlets and found enjoyment in all of them. “Finding your passion” does not have to look a certain way. It doesn’t even have to happen for you to have a joyful and meaningful life. We are more than what we can offer the world. It took me a very long time to realize this but I think after walking a road of many hurdles I can crystalize what I’ve learned into three takeaways.
Takeaways
It is okay to not know. Hopefully, someone has told you this at some point in your life. As cliche as it sounds, it is true. You don’t have to know what you want to do when you graduate high school. It is okay to change your major five times. It is okay to not find that one specific thing that “drives you” It is okay to just not know.
Passion is fluid. Passion does not mean that you are forced to pick one thing that you love to do and then do it for the rest of your life. Your passions can change as you grow and learn. Your life goals may change too. It is okay to let go of one passion and move on to another. Just because something appeals to you at one point in your life doesn’t mean it has to forever.
Only you can know. You are the only one who can make the decision of what you do with your life. No one can make it for you and no one should try to make it for you. You are the one who has to wake up live with those decisions and what comes of them. Only you can know what path is right for you or where you are being called to.
Conclusions
We love the narrative of “finding your passion.” It can be uplifting and inspiring. It can motivate you to pursue what lights your fire. What it can also be is a detrimental mindset. Our identity should not be in what we can offer the world. We all learn and grow and figure out our likes and dislikes at a different pace. One path that may be perfect for someone could be completely wrong for another. You can pursue what you want when you want. Passion is a beautiful thing but you are not less if you haven’t found it, not less if you have found it and don’t know what to do with it, and not more because you have found it.